The Critical Empowering Question For Parents

Every single parent knows that their children are copy-cats. In reality, they copy so much, and so effectively, that they are to all intents and purposes “copy machines”. They mimic what you say, the way in which you state it, and under what circumstances you say it. They copy the style in which you move, how you act, how you react to events, how you treat other people, and near enough everything else you do.

But we also realize that occasionally, we plan to teach them a specific thing, and they learn something different. By way of an example, you’re trying to teach them about gardening and how exciting it is to nurture vegetables, but they learn how to run off when they catch sight of a maggot or a spider, creating a new permanent terror (or plain “severe loathing”).

The issue is of course that children learn at an extraordinary speed. They just don’t constantly learn what you need them to learn. And it’s even worse because from time to time you don’t appreciate (or don’t even consider) what you would like your child to learn.

But deciding what you mean your child to learn is not critical when you’re sitting with your child trying to teach them something. Well, it is important, but it’s clearly at the front of your thoughts. The vital times are when you are not attempting to explicitly teach your child something, but they are going to discover something anyway. It’s at these times that you genuinely need to be responsive to what your child is learning.

For instance, if you and your significant other are at loggerheads about something, and one of you curses and stalks off rather than dealing with the arguement reasonably and fairly, what will your child learn? Well, the fundamental thing they’ll become skilled at is a brand new word, one that you don’t need them shouting in public! The second thing they’re likely to learn is: “when in an argument, storm off rather than handling it.” Or something like that, in any case.

So knowing that your child is going to learn a little something in EVERY SINGLE circumstance they are in is crucial. Choosing in advance what you’d prefer them to understand is something else. And that’s the reason why the most critical empowering question for parents is: what do I want my child to learn from this?

If you can retain a question like this in your mind as often as possible, and specifically where you are strongly emotional or reacting from custom, you’ll start to have a terrific knack to influence your child even more than you do previously. You’ll be able to show them more of how you would like them to conduct themselves, in a manner that’s more like you at your best, rather than you at your worst. You’ll be able to congruently say “do what I do AND say”, without worrying so much about your words and actions being in accordance. You’ll be able to tell your child as they get older why you behave the way you do, being aware that they’ll previously have had years of being around you as you act in accordance with your ideals and standards.

But… you will only be successful in doing this if you have a vital state of mind that parents need to have, something that makes this empowering question valuable. Independently, the question is useful, but it’s not the only thing you need to have.

Read part 2 of this article to find out what that outlook is…